Alexander W. Dreyfoos School of the Arts | 501 S. Sapodilla Ave, WPB, FL 33401


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Alexander W. Dreyfoos School of the Arts | 501 S. Sapodilla Ave, WPB, FL 33401


Alexander W. Dreyfoos School of the Arts | 501 S. Sapodilla Ave, WPB, FL 33401


Donald Trump Announces Cabinet


After months of heavy deliberation by Trump campaign staff, and seconds of thought by Donald Trump, the cabinet list was released on Twitter at 3 a.m. this morning. Note: We fixed the spelling of some of the secretaries’ names.

Jeb Bush

Secretary of Energy –  Democrats and pussy-footed environmentalists have constantly complained about America’s high energy use. Bush will use his patented, low-energy formula to put America on the right track to being the disappointment of a generation.

Rick Perry

Secretary of Education – It’s time America stops worrying about making our children smart, and instead making our children look smart.  Perry will implement a federal program across America, where every child will be given a pair of glasses proven to make them look like a college graduate.

Chris Christie

Secretary of Transportation – Christie was just trying to bring attention to America’s crumbling infrastructure during Bridgegate. It’s time to realize that Christie’s past problems are now just water under a bridge.

Martin Shkreli

Secretary of Health and Human Services – Shkreli proved his merits when he brought capitalism to the AIDS medication industry. His entrepreneurial spirit in making money and making sure that only the fittest survive will make him a superb secretary.

Ted Cruz

Ambassador to Canada – Cruz desperately wanted a position. Ambassador to Canada is the only role where he probably can’t cause the apocalypse.

Roger Ailes

Press Secretary – Ailes has decades of experience picking the best of the best when it comes to female reporters. President Trump will only allow 10s into his press conferences, and Ailes is the man for the job.

Vladimir Putin

Secretary of Defense – Putin knows a thing or two about nuclear weapons and the military. Trump made Putin pinky promise that nothing funny would happen to our nukes.

Judge Judy

Attorney General – Judge Judy promised to open up the case against Crooked Hillary. That was the only requirement for this job.

Sarah Palin

Secretary of State – Palin is America’s finest stateswoman. If tensions ever increase with Russia she can just yell. After all, she can see Russia from her house.

Dennis Rodman

Ambassador to North Korea – Rodman made much more progress with North Korea in one visit than Barack Obama and Crooked Hillary did in eight years. Rodman realizes that the true way to negotiate is on the court, not on paper.

Carly Fiorina

Secretary of Labor – America needed a man who didn’t pay taxes to fix our tax code. Now, America needs a woman who outsourced jobs to bring our jobs back home.

Ben Carson

Secretary of Homeland Security – A position like this demands attentiveness. Carson, under his watchful, never-falling-asleep gaze, will make sure America remains safe.

Barron Trump

Secretary of the Treasury – Along with the family name, 10-year-old Barron Trump also inherited his father’s money-management skills. After beating President Trump twice at Monopoly, Barron proved that he is capable of making the right monetary decisions for America.

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About the Contributors
Michael Wang
Michael Wang, Opinion Editor
Communications senior Michael Wang is the Opinion Editor of The Muse. He loves journalism and appreciates the power it can have on people. Wang loves writing because it makes people think, but his favorite part about it is when the computer crashes. Outside of The Muse, he is the president of the Speech and Debate Team and the Math Honor Society.
Alex Gordon
Alex Gordon, Managing Editor
Communications junior Alex Gordon is a Cover Editor and second-year staffer on The Muse. Aside from journalism, Gordon is a member of the Dreyfoos Speech and Debate Team, where he is the president, and was ranked last year as one of the top sophomores in Florida. He is also the vice president of ThinkPINK, and is an attorney for the Palm Beach County Youth Court program. In his free time, he enjoys swimming, watching Netflix, and reading. In the future, Gordon aspires to have a career in law, politics, or sports management. He looks forward to advancing his journalistic abilities with The Muse for the next two years.
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  • J

    JoseNov 3, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    Funniest political satire of this election year. It made me laugh and feel sad at the same time.

  • M

    Michael Wangs Biggest FanNov 1, 2016 at 1:42 pm