[SATIRE] Winter in West Palm Beach
Living in the Sunshine State offers us residents the perfect weather for winter. Instead of the typical freezing winds and soft snow piling up on the dry grass, we’re unique. We have temperatures ranging from 70 to 90 degrees Fahrenheit, random downpours of rain in the middle of school days, and the occasional cold front. We don’t make snow angels; we make sand angels on the warm shore of a beach.
There’s a common saying that most Floridians know by heart: summer in Florida lasts for all four seasons. I, like many here, have never actually witnessed snowfall. Snow is a myth here, a concept, something suppressed by the hot, tropical climate, caged in by the seas surrounding our special little peninsula. Without snow and ice, I consider the merits of wishing others, “Happy holidays!” and “It’s finally winter!”
However, once you ignore the seemingly inescapable heat — it takes quite a bit of self-control and strength, I know — there are plenty of ways to get into the spirit of winter in Florida. All it takes is some wishful thinking and creativity. Genius and madness go hand in hand for us Floridians.
Are you one of those boring people who have perfectly intact attention spans instead of scrolling through TikTok and only watching six to seven second videos the entire day? If that’s true, you can watch some holiday films. From the list of movies below, you can transport yourself to a world of chilly weather, statewide celebrations, and snow days that our hurricane days substitute for.
So what if your attention span is completely fried? That’s okay, you’re just more enlightened than everyone else. If movies aren’t your thing, then you can ditch the living room and head to the kitchen. The holidays are a perfect excuse to bake and cook for yourself and your family. The recipes below detail how to make hot chocolate, gingerbread cookies, and eggnog. Tip: you can pray to Saint Nick himself that you don’t burn the food.
If you’re a more ornamental person, decorating your house can be the best way to spend your time. I suggest ditching your tedious midterm review packets for draping colorful garlands on your walls to create a false sense of winter wonder. Christmas trees, Hanukkah candles, ornaments, stockings, and more can bring the winter spirits into your home just fine.
For the holidays, gifts are the perfect way to show your appreciation for your loved ones through taking out a much needed loan and giving them cruelly expensive gifts (don’t you just love capitalism)! To get into the winter spirits properly, consider buying candy cane pajama sets, holiday gift cards, or gourmand scented candles.
Just around the corner of our school, CityPlace offers a variety of activities for the holidays. I remember feeling something magical when I felt the artificial snowflakes dot my nose and hair on the nightly snowfall on Rosemary Avenue.
CityPlace’s website details all events occurring this holiday season. Starting Dec. 5, weekly photo workshops with Santa Claus himself will take place — yes, the real Santa Claus is coming from the North Pole to visit South Florida. I even heard that between showings he watches street panhandlers fight alligators for half-eaten Publix subs. On Dec. 6, you can take photos of your pet and Santa Claus together. PSA: he’s looking for replacements for his reindeer. They can’t handle the heat like your lovely, Orijen-fed dogs can. On Dec. 19, the Jewish community in Florida has the opportunity to celebrate the holiday Chanukkah with Palm Beach Synagogue West. On Christmas day, live music will be performed at CityPlace.
Despite our weather, there are so many wonderful ways to feel the holiday energy. Whether it’s gifts, movies, or cosplaying the Wet Bandits evading Kevin McCallister’s booby traps while secretly sneaking out of your sixth or seventh period to snake your way to the student parking lot and secure a timely, car-accident free exit from our wonderfully congested campus, spirits are lively this winter season.
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