How to be a kid


Christine Rose

Communications senior Samantha Rose recalls her childhood in order to describe how to be a kid.

Samantha Rose, Editor-in-Chief

Sometimes, the simple life of a child is enviable when I feel overwhelmed by my hectic life as a high school student. I am over 10 years older than my sister, and I am going into my second year working at a camp for kids ages 7 to 14. With these experiences, in addition to my own childhood experiences, I believe I understand the art of being a child well. I have compiled this guide in case you are sick of being a teenager and wish to revert back to your childhood over this summer.

Be loud

What you have to say is always the most important thing in any given situation. As soon as a thought pops into your mind (the less relevant, the better), yell it as urgently as you can. If you are ignored, repeat your exclamation (for example, “HOW DO I KNOW IF MY FISH IS A BOY OR A GIRL?”) several more times, getting progressively louder with each outburst. Your goal is to drown out all other conversation in the room. It is paramount that your voice prevails above all. Eventually, someone will answer you. They may be irritated by your rhetorical approach, but you’ve accomplished your goal.

Ask questions

Children are curious. They want to know about the world and how it works. So, they turn to the older people around them to answer their questions.

Find your victim, and let your irrelevant questions fire away. When they answer your first one, always have your follow-up ready: “Why?” When the annoyed individual you are badgering provides a response, ask why that is. Keep asking “why” until you have driven them to the brink of insanity. The best time to do this is when you are enjoying a movie with family. Within the first five minutes of the film, you should be confused as to why a character did something. This is when you ask your parents the reason for the character’s actions. Begin your steady stream of “But why would he do that?”s. Before you know it, the credits are rolling, and no one actually saw the movie.

You are always right, no matter what

Although you are curious and ask endless questions, your mind is wired to stubbornly stand by what you already know and believe, even if it is incorrect. Admitting your error and accepting the correct information is not an option. Any “fact” that escapes your sacred lips is completely true. Of course “gots” is a word. Why wouldn’t it be? When someone with several more years of experience and learning corrects you, shut them down. You are right. They gots to be wrong.

Own at least five “Minecraft” shirts

It seems that nearly every child between the ages of 7 and 12 plays “Minecraft,” a popular video game that involves accumulating resources for survival and building structures. It is a good platform to push kids to think critically and creatively, and children have become enamored by the game. If you wish to be a part of this demographic, make sure you have merchandise to display your love for this blessed game. There are hundreds of graphic tees available with a variety of designs. One depicts a pixelated Creeper face, another features the “Minecraft Table of Elements” and endless more are available for purchase. You should have at least five so you can wear one every day of the work week. On the weekends, you can shake it up a bit: wear an “Angry Birds” shirt.