It happened on a stormy Monday afternoon. We were wearing our trusty Gap camo cargo pants, when all of a sudden, you appeared.

“Where’s your legs, losers,” you said.

We sighed. For years, we endured painful comments about our clothes, and now the camo-haters were back to the basics, mocking the iconic forest green print’s ability to blend with anything. That’s when we realized we had to take a stand: against bad jokes and for the camo-lovers across the world.

When did it become socially unacceptable to wear camouflage print?  This country won its independence using guerilla warfare, and we can’t even muster the strength to stand up for the lost art of camouflage. We have the opportunity to have a superpower just by dressing a certain way, yet we joke about the idea. We are personally done with these insults so we’re taking a stand. It is time to bring the green and brown back to the gown.

The Ancient Chinese strived to be one with nature, spending centuries looking for a way to do so. but they were trying too hard and did not realize the answer was right in front of them.  If they wanted to be a part of nature, they needed to dress like it.  Every camo cloth we own is one step towards personal enlightenment. To become one with the tree, we must look like a tree, and our camo outfits do exactly that.

The jokes about our legs being invisible aren’t funny. In fact, thank you for the compliment. I want my body to be invisible, that’s why I wore it. While I’ll have fun sneaking around unnoticed, you can have fun being visible.  I can get away with anything and no one will see it. Camo is cost-efficient and worth it. It costs $10 for shorts and you literally get invisibility.

In fact, by making fun of camo pants you are making fun of our soldiers. Yes, we’re talking about the soldiers that spend their lives fighting for your rights. Our soldiers can’t choose whether to wear camo. We fully support them, and take part in their sacrifice by wearing camo in our outfits.

Just because I’m wearing camo shorts or a camo hat doesn’t make me some basement dweller. Camo is fashionable, especially when we’re wearing it. It’s like cheetah print, except it’s actually useful. Not only will camo protect us against enemies in a tropical rain forest, but it also looks nice when we’re not being chased by a pack of rabid angry lions in the Brazilian jungle. It hasn’t happened yet, but once all of us get teleported into a hostile wasteland, we’ll be the ones laughing. And the best part is you won’t even know where we are.

So we urge you to think about our argument. We’re serious, think about it. Just try to wear camo and not enjoy the perks. Then when you see the one true path of the camouflage, we know you’ll regret those jokes. You might find that we presented a very valid point here. You won’t see it coming, literally.